Parenting

The Secret To Learning

Over the years I’ve discovered children are optimally open and receptive to direction, guidance, and learnings when all resistance and tensions are removed. This goes for adults too. When all resistance is removed, we humans feel safe emotionally and physically which is fertile ground for learning super fast. When I work with children or adults, my first goal is to remove all, if any resistance. As I do this, I establish a foundation of respect, understanding and zero judgments. I tend to take Carl Rogers approach which is to look at clients with an unconditional positive regard. This is not


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Misunderstanding Children

There’s nothing that upsets me more than adults misunderstanding children, then go on to make them wrong for it. Often I meet parents that are so frustrated with their 3, 4, or five-year-old. “This child is so demanding! Give me this, give me that now! etc.” “Little brats!” If these parents (and teachers) would just take a breath, zoom out and look at what’s really going on, it would serve them well. How did a child get its diaper changed? Get food? Crying, whining, and being demanding right? Perfectly normal until we help them transition into using more effective strategies


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How do I stop my child from running in the streets?

The car pulls up and as soon as the car doors open, the boys are out, running into the street! Scary how carefree they are. This is super dangerous and for many parents, they have no idea how to stop it. When the child is off and running into the street, it’s too late to train them. It’s a sign they need training. So how do you train children not to run into the street? I have some suggestions. During lunch or passive time together, ask your child the following questions. “Why should we not run into the roads?” “If


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Crying In Class

This week, I had a 9-year-old boy cry in class. In the past, I would freak out, try to comfort the child quickly and keep the class moving forward. Doesn’t work. I see parents freaking out too when their child starts to cry. I totally understand this response. Being a parent too and loving all children, it’s heartbreaking to see a child in pain. In most cases, however, our “freaking out” response causes the painful emotions of the child to intensify. Some parents or teachers may even say something like, “it’s okay. don’t cry”. The problem with this is, the


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Tell me the answer Mommy!

demanding child
Recently I had a six-year-old come for a trial lesson and noticed when it came to writing his name, he looked at his mother for the answers. When the answers did not come from her, he kept asking. Mom says he always does this. What’s going on here? Is he afraid of making a mistake? Does he not trust in his own abilities? Is there some over-depending on mom happening? A combination of all the above? In the 20+ years of working with Japanese children, I’ve seen this pattern many times. It’s normal and children out grow it over time.


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